When You're Tired of Being the One Everyone Leans On: A Note from a St. Louis Missouri Therapist for Women

It starts as a pattern.

You’re the one who remembers the details, manages the group chat, picks up the slack, and holds it all together when life gets messy.

But lately? It’s starting to feel like too much.

Because it is too much.

Especially this time of year—when the school calendar is exploding with end-of-year parties, recitals, teacher gifts, and spirit days you didn’t see coming. When you’re trying to hold space for aging parents while quietly navigating the weight of their needs. When work asks for “just one more thing,” and you say yes because you always do—even though your body’s been whispering please slow down.

If you’re reading this and nodding, I want you to hear this loud and clear:

You’re not weak for feeling overwhelmed. You’re human. And you’re carrying more than your share.

The Invisible Load Isn’t Actually Invisible—to You

There’s a mental toll that comes with being the dependable one. The one who remembers birthdays and doctor’s appointments, who anticipates everyone else’s needs before they even say them out loud. It’s a beautiful gift—but one that often comes at the expense of your own energy and emotional well-being.

And during seasons like this—when everything ramps up—it’s easy to go from “I can handle it” to “I’m drowning, but no one sees it.”

Caring for Everyone While Forgetting Yourself

Whether you’re supporting elderly parents through health declines or just checking in more often because no one else does, there’s a quiet grief that can come with watching their needs grow while your own bandwidth shrinks. Add in the mental gymnastics of navigating family expectations, and it’s no wonder you’re exhausted.

You may also be carrying hidden guilt: for not doing enough, for doing too much, for secretly wishing someone would take care of you for once.

Work Isn’t Always “Just Work”

If you’re a high-achiever or helper by nature, work can become another place where you overextend. You’re the team player, the one who steps up. But over time, that turns into late nights, skipped lunches, or feeling like you’re “on” even when you’re supposed to be off.

And when personal stress meets professional pressure? Burnout creeps in silently.

What You’re Feeling Makes Sense

If you feel irritable, tired, emotionally checked out, or like you want to run away and sleep for two weeks… there’s nothing wrong with you.

Your body is waving a little flag saying:

“I need care, too.”

And it’s not selfish to listen.

It’s essential.

You Get to Be Held, Too

Here’s the truth that so many deeply feeling, competent women need to hear:

You don’t have to earn rest.

You don’t have to explain why you’re tired.

You don’t have to justify needing support.

Even if you can hold it all—it doesn’t mean you should.

This season, ask yourself:

    •    What am I carrying that someone else could help with?

    •    What would it feel like to let something be good enough instead of perfect?

    •    Who could I say no to (gently) so I can say yes to myself?

And then: do something that fills you back up—even if it’s just sitting in the car in silence for five minutes.

You’re allowed to need a break.

You’re allowed to be held.

You’re allowed to not have it all together.

Especially now.

I am a therapist who offers virtual therapy throughout Missouri and in-person sessions in the St. Louis area. Aetna and private pay options available.